Methinks, for happy marriages, ‘hustlers’ should marry each other and let the rich settle down with one another. Anything short of that is a big scandal that will result in a chaotic marriage. Why? Well, riffraff understand one another and are used to somewhat chaotic lifestyles anyway, thus can stomach each other. Same thing with the rich and their ‘first world problems’, which the poor may not only find petty but silly as well.

Partners from different social classes hold diametrically varying views on basic and important things, such as number of children, how to raise and discipline them, how to spend leisure time, how to manage finances and the whole shebang. The rich, for instance, have strange parenting methods. Some reward their children by, for example, throwing small parties for trivialities such as when a child accepts to eat without throwing a tantrum! I have been to a home where children get passionately pecked, clapped for or bought gifts as a reward for accepting to eat! You can only imagine the culture shock and fury of a spouse with such a background, when his or her partner with a ‘hustler’ background clobbers the hell out of children for refusing to eat.

What’s more, wives and husbands from different social backgrounds spend a better part of their lives reconciling their divergent views on life and virtually everything. Just like in the nusu mkate coalition government we once had, such marriages are characterised with never-ending negotiations, consultations and whatnot, even on the most mundane of stuff with very little progress. Again, ‘hustlers’ tend to be very ‘freestyle’ with their approach to life. But on the other hand, the rich tend to be more organised, prefer planning, budgeting and monitor virtually everything, from schooling, raising children and all that jazz. When, for instance, the rich want their kids to get in a particular profession, they take them to specific schools. But for the poor, children become anything that fate decides.

Look, if you are the pampered type, you don’t want to imagine the danger of living with an unrefined and unhinged partner whom the only form of ‘parental touch’ he or she regularly had growing up was in the form of slaps, kicks and blows. I say this because most individuals from poor backgrounds tend to express emotions as they are and rather robustly. So you can imagine the regular acrimony in your home if you are a silver spoon type, used to giving situations careful consideration before reacting appropriately. You will be receiving beatings in short order, like this neigbour I once had who was always spoiling for a fight with his wife over the most petty of stuff that he often reigned terror on her for not properly salting his food. How about embarrassing moments? Who wants a snooty and aloof upper class wife who when she visits your rural home wonders why villagers always have smelly armpits and don’t use cologne? Or the diva who demands pink champagne at your grandmother’s house in the village after every meal? How about the primitive bugger you take to a rarefied house party, only for him to start diluting wine or taking it on the rocks? Or the unsophisticated goon who noisily sips tea and smacks food while eating so riotously that he sprays saliva and food smitherees on other diners?

Need I mention the poor soul that is so used to plastic tableware that she will often panic and break imported glassware when she starts living in your ultra modern house? Or that clownish ‘hustler’ who gets carried away whenever he is before a buffet table. So much that he always ends up with a mountain of food on his plate that he can’t see where he is going and you have to carefully lead him to the dining table? There is no way a village-bred girl whose idea of having fan is gossiping and attending village dances will find leisure in being dragged to a golf course to tee off or sun herself half-naked on the beach at the coast like a lizard whilst quaffing Macallan M, Glenfiddich or champagne! Folks, just stick to your lane.