Dear fellow shocked brothers, as the youngest in my family, I have the privilege of asking my mother anything, no matter how silly, and she is always obliged- by nature, to respond with a smile. Just the other day, while standing under that tree of liberty, I asked my mother, “Mama, am I truly my father’s son (MHSRIP)?” Her smile melted into her signature laughter, and she lovingly replied, “Kyoka omwana ono! Of course, you are!” mu lusoga!
The phrase “Kyoka Omwana ono!” is a gentle way of saying that it’s taboo to question whether you are your father’s son. It’s akin to doubting or impeaching your mother’s integrity and purity. I am well aware of this cultural norm, but my bond with my mother allows me to push those boundaries.
After receiving her resolute answer, I explained to her my concerns about the rising suicides among men triggered by shocking DNA revelations. I needed assurance, and I reassured her that even if I wasn’t my father’s biological son, I would never be angry with her.
Perhaps she knew what she was doing, and it might have been in my best interest. She reassured me that I am indeed my father’s son. Nevertheless, what if her answer had been different?
Although my question may appear innocent, it is not unfounded. Over the past few weeks, Uganda has been shaken by a terrifying earthquake, and every man who bears the title of “Daddy” or “Father” can feel it. This seismic movement has left us, men, pensive and deep in thought. The earthquake has been triggered by DNA tests.
Throughout history, we have prided ourselves on our perceived freedom to wander, sow our wild oats, and father children outside the bonds of marriage, thanks to our swinging testicles. We found assurance in the belief that we held the eternal keys to this kingdom.
For years, we thought we held the monopoly on infidelity and the art of secrecy, believing ourselves to be the kings of deceit and sultans of secrecy. Every man thought and believed himself to run the city. Little did we know that those daughters of Adam had their own secret society—a group of individuals who skillfully and silently can weave a web of deception while maintaining a waterproof veil of innocence!
Whoever said, “Fear Women, and then fear them again,” was absolutely right. These startling DNA results that are making headlines in the dailies are driving men to madness. But for whatever it is, you give respect to women for the boldness and the courage with which they are pulling off their game. That gender is playing this game with such finesse. Every man who has opened the DNA Pandora’s box has been left scratching his head in utter disbelief.
We believed we had the upper hand in this thing. We thought women feared the treacherous waters of infidelity, but alas! The women have decided they won’t be left behind. They have discreetly and cleverly joined the race, having children outside the confines of marriage- or actually, for them, its having other children in marriage. They keep them in. In doing so, they have shattered our illusion of paternity certainty, leaving us questioning the very essence of our identity. As things stand now, every man asks himself, ‘Am I man?’
Today, even a man whose child bears an uncanny resemblance to himself remains suspicious. Even those who undergo DNA tests and confirm their paternity live with a lingering fear, not for their children, but for their wives. Fear women! The Ugandan women. Okay, we knew men have ‘did it’ but the way the women have ‘did it’ is way over and above any stretch of imagination.
Slowly, we are realizing that Ugandan women might be the true masters of disguise. We cannot put our heads around how they have outpaced us in this extramarital adventure. It would not be an exaggeration to say that the women have taken our playbook and rewritten the rules. The realm of infidelity, once exclusively ours, is now shared. Are we not in trouble?
Today, beyond the children we have fathered and are raising, we are even starting to question the most sacred in our hearts- our mothers. We now wonder whether we truly carry the legacy of our fathers or if we are merely pawns in this cosmic game of genetic uncertainty.
Gradually, we are coming to terms with the fact that we need to shed our masks of invincibility and acknowledge our susceptibility to the whims of fate. The woman, remains a small-god. She can do as she wills. It is a painful realization, but we are slowly understanding that we are not all-knowing gods of infidelity.
We now know, painfully, that we are fallible human beings, subject to the same desires, fears, and insecurities as our female counterparts. The taste of pain is biting, sadly, sometimes biting us harder than we anticipated.
The revelation that the pursuit of happiness knows no gender boundaries is unsettling. For sometime, we guardedly held to the puritanical notion that women are tethered to purity, and men to freedom. The recent DNA results don’t want to agree with us on this. Women can wander, and od so in style. We have been proven wrong! Chei! What are we going to do?
Those little ones crawling around our balconies, the so-called “juniors and princesses,” may not be ours after all. As the brilliant Daniel Kalinaki once wrote, we hesitate to even glance at our children’s foreheads, wondering if they bear any resemblance to us. Are they truly our own?
For far too long, power dynamics heavily favored us- the men. Our grandfathers boasted of multiple wives and scores of children, while walked through life with our heads held high. My own grandfather (His soul Rest In Peace) had at least ten wives and 44 children! However, I only knew my grandmother. The official wife often prepared herself for a constant influx of children born outside the sanctity of marriage. The men ruled- or so we thought. Little did we know that winds of change were brewing.
It seems that the American notion of the “pursuit of happiness” has infiltrated our Ugandan sex life and traditional marriage. Individuals now assert their right to happiness, even if it means seeking sexual fulfillment outside the boundaries of matrimony. Has democracy seeped into the sacred institution of marriage, shattering the one-sided power dynamic where we held all the sway, and women were mere recipients of our gifts?
With each DNA test, Pandora’s Box creaks open, unveiling truths and exposing intricate webs of deception in relationships. Of course, we are no saints and there is no perfect society but the recent events have revealed more than we are willing to accept.
These tests, with their undeniable accuracy, are disrupting the family order, shattering our certainties and leaving us vulnerable. Imagine, being told that child is not your daughter or son? Imagine the shock, the pain, the disappointment! How do you move forward?
We once believed ourselves to be the architects of our bloodlines, but now we face the disquieting prospect that the children we raise may not carry our genetic legacy. We teeter on the edge of uncertainty, our heads no longer held high but bowed in apprehension.
The echoes of women’s liberation reverberating through the land send shivers down our spines. Who could have anticipated this? As we look at the now guilty woman, the brave one who successfully belled the cat, we ask ourselves in disbelief, “Who does that?” Those daughters of Adam! Chei!
The exclusive club we once relished has been thrown open, democratized by women who claim their agency and navigate social and cultural spaces with unparalleled finesse. The balance of power, or should I say, the imbalance of power, has been disrupted. The scales are tipping in favor of women, leaving us trembling with shock, insecurity, and fear.
The web of deceit, once our domain, now finds a new master—a queen, if you will. The woman has dethroned us, becoming the mastermind of deception. Society finds itself in flux as sexual liberation and personal happiness intertwine with the politics and economy of sex. The pursuit of fulfillment blurs the lines of love, desire, power, and paternity certainty. What can we do?
Can we continue clinging to the pervasive double standard that demanded women embody purity and fidelity while granting us the freedom to roam? Society has awoken to the harsh reality that both genders should be held to the same standards of commitment and fidelity. We can no longer hide behind the belief that women “can’t do it.” They are indeed “doing it.” Unfortunately, at times, they are “doing it” to the good men! Ya! There are many good men out there…and sadly, some of them are becoming victims to this push back.
I am left wondering, why is nature behaving this way? Okay, we have sinned and we are sorry, but this burden feels too heavy upon us. Society seems to be attempting self-preservation, even if it means toppling the man, or to be blunt, killing the man. The fragile equilibrium we once enjoyed has been shattered, and we are being challenged to adapt to this new reality. We must navigate relationships and sex with a renewed sense of humility.
As I conclude my rant, I cannot help but ponder if Uganda is truly our mother and fatherland? It seems that this question needs to be asked. The answer may be unsettling but one that is worth knowing? Are we sons of our fathers? At this point, it seems to be that as long as you have never done a DNA test, only your mother knows your father.
The identity of our fathers remains elusive, known only to our mothers. One needs to possess unwavering strength not to feel humbled every time they encounter a woman! A Ugandan Woman! Talk to your mother nicely, you could be the proud son of your poor neighbour. Treat him nicely.
Yours in newfound humility,
Henry Mutebe
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