HENRY MUTEBE: The nightmare of being a Kampala parent

If there was ever a time when being a parent was the hardest, that time must be now. Interestingly, it is not for lack of food, money, or anything material, but it is something else. It’s a difficult pain.

As night falls over Kampala, one would mistakenly think that parents get an opportunity to retire home and catch some sleep. Forget it. That was a thing of the past. On top of worrying about where they will scratch to find the next school fees or stock food supplies to keep the home running, the parents are looking at their kids and just not seeing the skills they need to punch through life and all its pressures ahead.

These kids.many of them are mostly aloof, sometimes self entitled and the ‘I want it now’ breed of human beings. They are the generation growing when parents have some ka money. They don’t seem to appreciate how that ka money is made.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean all parents are worried… or that all parents have the means to provide abundantly, but generally, these children relatively have more provision than their parents had. And that’s not bad except for one thing- it’s getting crippling.

For parents who are successful, the worry is of untold proportions. There seems to be something that many children from middle class or upper-class families are failing to grasp, which may be the very magic that helped their parents climb the social-economic ladder.

As the years and opportunities for parents to use their networks and cycle of influence to advantage their children with a special social/economic pass narrow down, their blood pressure rises.

Born in relative abundance, many parents are struggling with how to pass on the survival skills, the punch, the ability to deal with stress and navigate life outside their shadows of influence where they are too cushioned to swim against the tides on their own.

So, you have kids who are too soft to punch, too obsessed with fantasies, too self-centered, too laid back and unwilling to fly on their own. You have children who have known no adversity except on days when there was bread but no jam. You have children who it really have had it figured out. Kids who cant handle the basics of things without the help of a maid or nanny.

We have children who have grown up in closed gates and don’t see the need to connect with others because their parents are sought after…and as such the children have not learnt to seek.

We have a generation of children who would feel ashamed to help their mother in their hustle because that job is below their education. You have the generation of children called Mummy, Daddy, Sugar, and all sorts of powerful superlatives that have inspired a false sense of importance among these little ones.

You have children who dictate what parents should do. Not that children should be listened to and their opinions be heard and respected, but you have parents who have been driven into submission by these little lads.

The desire to give everything we never had to our children has blinded us to the need to balance that with a level of preparation that makes these children better for the world they will face without us.

You have children who don’t respect anyone below the status of their parent. You have children who don’t know how to interact with others because they are used to a very privileged non cooperative experience where they are lone kids and queens.

Many of our children are too soft, too expectant, too entitled that a simple thing will drive them bonkers. Many parents have largely come from very humble backgrounds and it in the gutters that they learnt the survival skills. Our children seem to be missing on those breeding grounds for resilience, patience, focus, and determination. They instead seem to be in hot pursuit of fantasies that are increasing their stress levels.

Even when one is seen as successful, their concern is how well their children turn out. The happiness seems to be derived from raising a responsible, focused, happy human being. For many parents, the worry is real. The abundancy seem to be disempowering some children. They simply have lost out on the fire that refines…and its all confusing for parents.

Remember, parents are not just dealing with the children, but also the stress of their ailing parents. Remember about 70% of medical costs of a person’s life time are almost incurred in their evening of their lives. With no insurance of any sorts of social security cover, Kampala parents are having to deal with the madness of their children and the stress of illness and other pressures from work, family, and society.

In some cases, where one parent is doing the parenting, the pressure is even worse. The pain of being left alone, the pressure of proving for the family, the stress of work, the personal issues among others is driving many parents nuts.

No matter how one is regarded successful, in the end, their focus centers on their children or loved ones. People are feeling helpless, on how to deal with this pressure. You look at their kids, look at how tough life…look at their aloofness and inflated sense of security and certainty…and you wonder how to help.

I know somehow some things have to be learnt by the kids through their own experiences…by acts or omission, but there is a sense in which our kids are not getting enough refinement for the life ahead and that is deeply worrying.

I know every child will have their life- somehow, but it is a deeply hard thing not to think, with worry, about the life ahead. They don’t have to turn out like their parents but still, there seems to be a thread we are not weaving through the minds of these little self-entitled lads. I hope abundance doesn’t drown children.