By Faridah Nakazibwe
The rate at which marriages are failing nowadays, sometimes I think one would have a better chance of surviving cancer than having a successful marriage. The reason is, most men go through life and get married without understanding the key elements that make their marriages succeed or fail.
I would like to show men what they unknowingly do to destroy their marriage in a few easy ways that they should be careful with as they will commit these mistakes and sometimes not even realize that they are killing their marriage. Men need to start to understand what makes marriages break and be prepared to work on their marriage and make it work.
It’s amazing how most men think it’s okay to abuse their partner and think it’s a sign of strength when it only show how weak they are. Husbands frequently abuse their wives and see nothing wrong with it.
Most married men today shamelessly tend to act as if their marriage certificate gives them the right to verbally or physically abuse their wives.Men who repeatedly become defensive when challenged or criticized by their wives have much higher rates of unhappiness and divorce. Being defensive is not only destructive; it shuts a man off from an extremely valuable source of feedback that comes from his wife. Men have got to be willing to admit when you are wrong. Always remember that your wives are usually in excellent positions to recognize when you are wrong and mean well when they correct you.
They are also usually more than happy to point this out to your shortcomings in the hope that we will make corrections. If you as a man shut out this valuable source of feedback by always seeking to defend your actions or point of view, you will damage your marriage. You will continue to commit the same mistakes, over and over again, until she gets tired of you and this ugly and childish trait.
The secret to dealing with criticism from your wives is not to reject it or act defensively but to intently listen to everything she is saying about you, and then try to find one or more things you can agree with. Don’t automatically try to defend yourself or prove you are right. Work hard to validate some of what your partner is saying. Understand that the sting of another’s criticism usually comes with some truth in it. If you want to have happy, healthy, long-lasting marriage, look for these “truths” and be willing to admit them.
Do not always want to be right please .Perhaps the biggest mistake you can make if you want to have good marriage with your wife is to always try to be right in what you do or say. Why is this so destructive? Because in order for you to be right, your partner must end up being wrong . Most people dislike having others make them feel wrong.
Never always look at winning the argument or get your way, you’ll pay a price later when your partner decides to move out of your life after they have had enough. It’s almost always wiser to let your partner be right and have their way as much as possible. To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong admit it and whenever you’re right, shut up! Just keep quiet.
Another way men destroy their marriages is to always be selfish and try to get their own way always. Do not only about your own wants, needs, and desires. Put your concerns first and consider your partner’s needs less important. This is an excellent way to destroy any type of relationship and it is especially useful if you want to destroy your marriage. Please be careful with this.
Lastly – Please tell the truth. Little “white lies” from time to time will slowly destroy your marriage. Even if your dishonesty is never found out, you will know about it. You will also know that it damages your marriage. When you are dishonest, you know intuitively that your relationship will be less likely to succeed.