In the last two weeks, over fifteen schools have witnessed students’ unrest and burning of dormitories. Following this unprecedented wave of turbulence in recent history, blame games reign supreme. The reality is that this crisis is a reflection of a deeper societal character. Children are a reflection of the society for which they are a part of. They are our direct mirrors. Like begets like. We say what we know but ultimately we reproduce who we are. We produce our own kind. The underlying root cause of this tragic turn of events in our schools is parenting.
Parenting is not for the faint hearted. Much less, fatherhood. Once President George Bush said, “I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war.” I’m not sure whether this is a rumour or a joke, I divulge. One of the most popular quotes of English poet, John Wilmot, “Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.” Admittedly, while being a father is a choice, staying true to fatherhood is a divine duty we must consciously respond to.
None of us is an expert in raising children for one’s best teachers matters parenting are his own children. But we can learn from one another and purpose not to advance generational vices that we inherited from our parents. Most of our parents did the best they knew how given their circumstances. Regrettably, when we do not consciously evaluate our past, we become more susceptible to continue even undesired trend set by our own parents.
Most of us have good intentions but few of us are intentional. Most people want to improve their circumstances but only a minority want to improve themselves. Personal growth and development is never incidental. It’s deliberate. I have personally chosen to be an objective student of life. On this platform I share life principles. I don’t write for attention. I write with intention. Disagreeing with a principle (law) won’t change it. What you do with the information I share is really up-to you. I will remain faithful to my calling in life in advancing life skills. The good news is that the majority benefit.
Herein is a hard truth. If you are a violent father, the odds are high that your son will be violent and your daughter will end up single in fear of men. If you are a single mum who carelessly speaks ill about men in the presence of your daughter, the odds are high that girls after you will remain single. But you can choose an alternative path as was chosen by President Barack Obama. To give your children what you were never given. The gift of your character. The gift of your time. For children require presence not presents. If you invest in them you don’t have to invest for them.
I have given this subject a lot of thought. Researched widely and published on the same. Spoken countless forums on parenting. My videos on parenting are being listened across the English speaking world. But even more importantly, I live by these principles in raising my son and daughter. I am a firm believer than one can only effectively teach what they consistently model.
While I will share 12 key principles on parenting on 5th August at KICC – Amphitheatre from 6pm to 8pm, I would like to briefly share with you one key function of the office of a father: protector.
Great fathers protect their children emotionally. In nature, many male animals are known to eat their young ones. Eating (forfeiting) your children is bestial not human. Girls with low self esteem are more vulnerable to sexual promiscuity in search for affection, attention and affirmation. Girls with high self esteem need not prove their beauty to anyone around them. They are comfortable with their looks, colour pigmentation, height, size and performance in general.
Boys with low self esteem are more vulnerable to violence or violent language trying to prove their manhood to their peers. Kids bullying colleagues at school or burning their schools is a pointer to inferiority complex. Boys with high self esteem need not prove their might to anyone around them. They recognize that manhood does not reside in the abundance of their muscles. The original intent of our Maker was that fathers will protect their families emotionally.
As a father, do not tear your woman piece by piece proving a point is wrong. Just take in what you must and ignore that which you think is not beneficial. Learn what to overlook. Apologizing doesn’t mean you are wrong and the other person is right. It makes you the bigger person.
How do you protect your children emotionally? Your children are living in a very competitive society where they tear each other emotionally based on the title of their father, the car they drive, the size of their house and where it is located, their hair do, academic performance, excellence in sports etc.
It is your duty as a parent, father or mother, to project your children to a brighter future. To let them see the astonishing light of their very being. To let them see the potential within them in such a manner they no longer focus on what they don’t have, rather, on what they do have. Continually affirm them. Desist from ever making any funny comment about their looks. Do not compare them with others. Let them run at their own pace on their track. Let them know that you believe in them. Your thoughts don’t bless them. Say it.
Ideally, a father is a child’s master piece. A champion. A father is a son’s first hero and a daughter’s first love. Regrettably, that’s not always the case in our society today and many children, graciously, are raised by single mums. Allow me, therefore, to shed some light to single mums. Life doesn’t always go as planned but never whine. Don’t regurgitate dead stuff. Focus on what you can change now. Some people came into your life as blessings, others as lessons. Move on.
Give your child your time. Be her champion. The growth of your child is irreversible. Far too many great men and women were raised by single mums. While we encourage father figures, nothing will substitute your direct involvement in the growth of your child. Simply be there. Be wise. Avoid speaking evil about men. Focus on building and calling their greatness. No matter how bad you think their father is (or was), do not despise him at all especially in their presence. Your anger won’t change him. It will only destroy the future relationships of your children.
You can’t change people, either accept who they are or start living life without them. The only person you can change in this life is you. Nobody is responsible for your happiness. You are. Stop giving people power they don’t deserve. The overflow of your life impacts on your child’s world view. Being a single parent is twice the work, twice the stress and twice the tears but also twice the hugs, twice the love and twice the pride. What do you prefer to see?
You didn’t plan on being a single mum, but you have to deal with the cards you are dealt the best way you can. Remember your children do not think that you have need for intimacy. While dating, therefore, decide how much risk your own child’s heart is worth. Only take a dater home if you are absolutely convinced in your heart that you will not keep changing them to the best of your foresight. Of course the best man is the one who is willing to love you and be a daddy to your children.
At the genesis of man, it was written that the seed of the woman will crush the head of the serpent. Ever since that divine proclamation, the enemy has always targeted the man. The man was divinely appointed to be the protection and cover of his family. Once the cover is destroyed, the entire household becomes vulnerable. Where a father is absent, the mother should stand up for her family as God Himself has committed to be the Father to the fatherless. As God’s children, we need to prayerfully draw a bloodline that the enemy should never cross.
I invite you to join me and hundreds of families on 5th August at KICC for this conference tagged, “Where Are Our Fathers?” whereby we will examine the role of fathers and mothers in preparing our children for a rapidly evolving world. Yes, we will intertwine the message in full cognizant of the role of single mums matters parenting.
To reserve your booking for this conference, contact 0718 315551 or 0722 278176 or/and email email@example.com. You will be required to pay KES 1,000 through Mpesa Till Number 983482 (Buy Goods & Services) or swipe your card (debit or credit) for a gate fee of KES 1,200. We do not accept cash transactions at all.
Meantime, I strongly recommend you consider becoming a life member of Sense 101 Life Club for your personal growth and development. Membership fee is KES 1,000 one-off. In addition, I recommend you listen to my video on “Calling the Man & the Woman in Your Child Early” available at www.kinyanjuinganga.com as a preparation for our August 5th Forum which also doubles as the Sense 101 Life Club Annual Anniversary. Join us in cake cutting.
On Saturday the 10th December 2016, bring your youths to KICC from 9am to 5pm to:-
The 3-D Conference
Dare – Build Your Self Confidence
Dream – Achieve Your Life Goals
Desire – Take Charge of Your Own Life
Your investment for this life transforming conference targeting teens and young adults will be KES 2,000 and the deadline for reservations will be 4th November 2016.
A kind reminder that the Sense 101 Nile Cruise self discovery journey will be from 10th to 16th April 2017 with 3 days at the Great River Nile and 3 days’ visit to the Great Pyramids of Egypt. If you would want to join us for “Prison Break II”, contact our office (0718 315551 / 0722 278176) on or before 30th July 2016. We have bookings for 80 participants already and it will be an exciting moment to network with winners as you explore your purpose for being on earth.
By God’s grace, we had an extremely successful launch of Sense 101 Life Club in Nanyuki at Falcon Heights Hotel over the weekend. The next Sense 101 Life Club event in Nanyuki will be 11/11/2016. Nyeri 14/10/2016. If you live in Uganda, we will do “Prison Break” in Kampala on 9th September as we launch Sense 101 Life Club at the Pearl of Africa and Dennis +256 793 600 704 and Ken +256 779 848 522 are our contacts over there.
For our followers in the U.S., we will examine “Parenting” on 23rd Sept at Arizona hosted by Joel +1 480-234-3050; “Prison Break” on 24th Sept 2016 at Dallas, Texas hosted by Jack +1 469-682-8879 OR +1 972 801 7519; and “Personal Leadership” on 30th Sept 2016 at Chesapeake, Virginia at The Next Level Leadership Conference hosted by Tim Harrell +1 757 362 5195.
Dr. Kinyanjui Nganga
Chief Mentor – Sense 101 Life Club.