Behaviour of men/women in marriage has so much to do with their upbringing

By Faridah Nakazibwe

The way a child is brought up is key to who he becomes as an adult. Care must be taken to ensure that children are not exposed to unsavoury behaviour during their formative years. Some of the problems in marriages today may have its roots in the way a man was raised as child.

Many children grow up seeing and hearing very negative things around the house, this goes a long way to almost certainly ensure that the child will say and do negative things when they find themselves in a bad family setting.

It is no longer news that many marriages these days in Uganda and many countries are facing serious challenges. The average life span of marriages today is about 5 years, much lower than it was decades ago. Could this be as a result of how parents bring up their kids these days?

Is there something our parents did or say to us that we are not doing or saying to our own children. A husband who is well behaved is a reflection of a combination of how his father treated his mother and what his mother says to him about women.

It is generally believed that a husband who is very well behaved must have been brought up by a well grounded woman, so train your sons to be the type of husband you will want to have.

Similarly a woman’s behaviour is also deeply rooted in the things she saw her mother do, if she was an overbearing wife, the daughter will definitely acquire some of those traits. A well behaved and grounded wife is a product of a well behaved and grounded mother.

A woman who lacks respect for her husband most likely saw her mother disrespect her father, if you grew up respecting your dad, some of that respect will spill over to your husband, except he has done something to loose the respect.

Fathers should behave in such a way that their daughters will admire and respect them, in a way that makes them idolise him and by extension their own husbands when they eventually marry, if you maltreat your wife before your daughters, they will probably grow up hating men and marriage, for their own good and sanity, be careful how you treat your wife before them.

There maybe some who acquire bad behavior from friends along the way, it is usually not difficult to set them right because the positive character traits are still in there and can be unlocked with minimal effort.

It is our responsibility to bring up our children In a way that ensures the survival of the marriage institution. This can be done by preparing them for the future without planting gender bias in their subconscious.

We should endeavour to keep our major disagreements away from the kids, some of us never witnessed any form of domestic disagreements during our formative years, it doesn’t mean our parents didn’t quarrel, they only shielded us from it to preserve the integrity of our immature minds.

Their actions made it possible for us to venture into marriage with so much positivity and a resolve to make it work. On the other hand, the emotional trauma experienced by kids who witness these fights influence their perception of marriage adversely. Violence, infidelity etc may all be vices acquired while growing up in troubled homes.

It is also important to keep educating your children on good manners, the boys should be taught to be gentle and respectful towards women and the girls should learn to also respect and obey their men. I have heard mothers tell their daughters not to allow any man control them, not to tolerate rubbish from any man.

I support women liberation, empowerment and equality, but I also I believe that kids at that age are too young to be exposed to such bitterness, I have also heard men tell their sons that women are evil, this ruins the young man’s chances of starting and maintaining a loving relationship.

Dont foist these tainted children on society because your husband or wife is not behaving well. Do not generalize your condemnation of a particular gender based on the behavior of one person.

There are still very good men and women out there, let the children know this so they can approach relationships/marriages without premeditated bias.