You’ve been aware of a problem for a while, but you just can’t get the guts up to speak with your husband about it. What you do realize is that they’ve been acting distantly lately, which combined with just a few other clues indicates that there’s a problem that has to be resolved. Yes, anything could cause it. And you definitely want to ignore the nagging notion you’re having about your spouse having a gambling issue.
How can you be certain that what’s going on is gambling? Here’s how to investigate the situation and validate your suspicions.
Take a Step Back and Try to Stay Impartial
Be sure to approach the matter with some level of objectivity before we discuss the warning flags that specialists say point to an ongoing or developing gambling problem. It will undoubtedly be challenging to accomplish this. Due to the fact that you and your partner share a home, you’re involved in what’s happening. To believe that you wouldn’t be impacted by the behaviors and unfavorable effects associated with problem gambling would be unrealistic.
However, you must maintain objectivity if you want to be capable of evaluating the scenario and spotting the typical warning indicators. Otherwise, you risk falling into the denial trap and ignoring warning signs that others might consider to be apparent red flags. In any event, it’s important to take a step back and attempt to maintain objectivity, despite how difficult it may be.
Problem Gambling: What Is It?
It’s vital to define the gambling problem in order to examine what might be happening with your spouse in relation to this issue. The terms “problem gambling“, “compulsive gambling“, and “pathological gambling“ are all used to refer to a behavior disorder that, if left untreated, tends to get worse over time. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), a publication of the American Psychiatric Association, contains precise diagnostic criteria for evaluating problem gambling.
We shall be focusing on the terms “problem gambler“ and “problem gambling“ for the duration of this text. These phrases are used to characterize people whose gambling causes them or the people they live with and care about financial, emotional, marital, legal, psychological, or other issues. This distinction is crucial because, in the opinion of the majority of specialists, problem gambling isn’t as serious as compulsive or pathological gambling. However, it doesn’t negate the fact that problem gambling is a matter of concern.
Compulsive and pathological gambling are possible progressions from problem gambling. Additionally, because problem gambling doesn’t occur in a vacuum, problem gamblers frequently exhibit other addictive behaviors. Problems with alcoholism, drug abuse, and/or compulsive sex are some of these that may be contributory factors or may develop as a result of gambling behavior.
Problem Gamblers’ Types
The terms “action gambler“ and “escape gambler“, which describe two major categories of problem gamblers, may not be familiar to you.
Action Gamblers
Most action gamblers are men. They might have started gambling as teenagers. They love skill-based games, therefore they tend to choose poker, sports betting, craps, horse racing, and dog racing. They are motivated by the conviction that they are more intelligent than the system and they are capable of continuously outperforming the odds and winning.
Escape Gamblers
In contrast, escape gamblers typically start playing the game later in life. These gamblers develop the habit as a means of avoiding their difficulties, as the name suggests. Some of the issues they’re attempting to escape include loneliness, melancholy, unhappy marriages, and excessive stress. Typically, escape gamblers are female, though they can sometimes be male. In any event, those who bet to escape pick games that put them in a hypnotic frame of mind. Lottery, bingo, video poker, and slots are some of these games.
You may immediately be able to tell if your spouse fits within one of these groups of problem gamblers. If your spouse has consistently placed football wagers on betting companies in Uganda, frequented the racetrack, and done so for the majority of his life, you’re already in the ballpark of suspecting that there could be a gambling issue. According to some research, those who grew up in households where gambling was common are more inclined to gamble themselves.
The children may adopt this mindset if the family’s problem gambler thought of gambling as a way to deal with issues, whether they be financial or otherwise. Additionally, gamblers may be more prone to have a history of depression, ADHD, or mood instability. Children reared in homes where the father is away, where the parents are overworked and aggressive, or where money is being used to express either love or rage may be more prone to become problem gamblers, however much more research has to be done in this regard.
Stages of Problem Gambling
Stages of problem gambling develop. According to some addiction specialists, there are three, four, five, or more phases. We’ll break it down into three tiers.
The Winning Stage
The winning stage is first. During this time, a person learns about gambling, finds it thrilling, intoxicating, highly amusing, and social, and starts to consider it as a way to escape anxiety, stress, family obligations, or loneliness. The gambler may have a few gains, at which point they start buying gifts for their loved ones. At this phase, the gambler still has control of the situation; money is still available, and unusual means of funding gaming aren’t being used. The gambler’s life is good when they are winning. It’s probably the last time you’ll see them like that though.
The Losing Stage
The losing phase follows. The speed at which winning changes to losing varies; it could happen quite quickly. The gambler grows increasingly obsessed with gambling as they stop enjoying the constant wins. They feel the desire to wager more frequently and with larger stakes. The issue of money arises. The gambler starts to feel the emotional effects of everything. The gambler then starts to “chase“ the losses by placing progressively larger and more repeated bets as the losing continues, despite feeling increasing remorse and humiliation about his behavior. Credit cards are typically maxed out during the losing stage, insurance policies are cashed in, valuables are pawned or sold, savings are stolen, and retirement funds are depleted. Borrowing heavily becomes customary.
The gambler begins to miss work and lies about gambling to their families. When the gambler is in a bind and needs money, a series of false narratives and pathetic justifications are provided to family and friends. They are seeking rescue in a fruitless effort to make up for their losses. Here’s where you step in: the family starts to worry that something is seriously wrong. The family can get pressured by creditors requesting payment for past-due debts. It’s possible that your mortgage is over late or that one of your family automobiles has been repossessed.
Due to unpaid fees, utility providers may very well stop providing services. According to experts on addiction, many problem gamblers begin phoning gambling hotlines when they are in the losing stage. They might be open to receiving assistance if they realize their issue has reached a severe level. Unfortunately, a lot more continue to gamble and move on to the next level.
The Desperation Stage
The desperation stage is the last stage of compulsive gambling. As debts grow, his or her health begins to suffer as a result of the stress. Insomnia is a common problem. Relationships with one’s spouse, intimate friends, family members, and coworkers deteriorate. Critical levels of financial difficulty are reached. There’s a chance of eviction, foreclosure, and bankruptcy. The gambler with a problem has reached the conclusion of the line. The problem gambler throughout the desperation phase may shift to escape gambler gaming for the solely hypnotic effect – anything at all to escape the unpleasant reality their lives have just become. They may feel helpless, powerless, sad, and overwhelmed with guilt, embarrassment, and regret.
At this point, some problem gamblers choose to flee their families rather than take responsibility for their actions. Some make suicide attempts. Still, others decide to finally seek assistance. What will happen if the compulsive gambler keeps playing in this desperate state?
The Hopeless Stage
The fourth stage now enters the picture. The phrase “hopeless stage“ describes it. Suicide is frequently the only option a problem gambler perceives at this point because depression is a typical condition. But for the time being, let’s not consider this stage of desperation.
Let’s now examine some concrete indicators to support your concerns and determine for certain whether or not your spouse does have a gambling issue.
Red Flags of Problem Gambling
You should be alert for these warning signals if you reside with your partner or spouse who you suspect of gambling.
- You discover withdrawals on your bank and savings account monthly statements that you were unaware of.
- Checks begin to bounce, resulting in increasing non-sufficient funds (NSF) fines.
- Letters denying credit begin to arrive in the mail.
- Objects in the household start to vanish.
- Creditors begin contacting and sending out a barrage of collection notifications, seeking payment for overdue invoices.
- Your spouse’s cell phone bill for calls and/or texting starts to rise.
- Your partner always keeps financial matters private.
- Your husband works yet constantly seems to be short on funds.
- Even if your husband may have taken over the chore of paying the bills, you observe that only the bare minimum is being paid.
- Your loved one might start trading regularly or engage in very risky investing.
- Despite the fact that the bills go unpaid, you learn that your partner has a substantial and unexpected sum of money.
- You discover that the cash you knew was in your wallet or pocketbook has disappeared, or your youngster claims that the money in his piggy bank has vanished.
- Friends start wondering when your spouse would repay loans, or you see that your spouse is taking out a growing number of payday or other unforeseen loans.
Problem gamblers begin having problems at work as well, which you may notice.
- Work absences, tardiness, and early departures are common indicators of growing gambling issues.
- Another red flag is using sick days as an excuse to gamble while off work.
- Your partner starts taking longer lunch breaks.
- The boss of your spouse criticizes him or her for not completing assignments completely or on schedule.
- Your life partner makes personal calls on business phones.
- They are reportedly making calls about gambling while at work, according to coworkers.
- Coworkers may also disclose to you that your spouse has approached them about borrowing money and has a keen interest in workplace pools, especially sports pools.
- Your partner receives criticism for playing online poker on work computers.
- Other red flags include asking for frequent paycheck advances, using the business credit card for gambling reasons, and stealing or embezzling money from the company.
Steps You Can Take
Do you have evidence to support your fears that your spouse does indeed have a gambling issue after tallying up all the red flags? If the response is affirmative, you have sufficient proof to face your spouse and request that they seek therapy for the issue. But at this time, is that the best course of action for you? What actions should you take, and in what order?
You have a stake in maintaining the marriage since you’re the other spouse. The positive relationship you two have will have a big impact on how the family/relationship turns out. Without treatment, your partner’s gambling issue could progress from its current state into a downward spiral that never ends. Gambling addiction specialists advise that there may be a range of responses if you encourage a beloved one to get help for a gambling problem.
Denial comes first. To divert your attention from gambling, your partner will say whatever they think you’ll accept as true. There’s no issue with this. I don’t gamble. I’ll deal with it. Keep out of my affairs. Everything will be fine in the end. These are only a few of the claims you might come across. Obviously, they are undoubtedly lies. As a result, you must be vigilant and persistent in your efforts to persuade your spouse to seek counseling. This won’t be simple. However, you surely don’t want the predicament to deteriorate further than it already has.
Learn everything you can about how to handle a loved one who has a gambling issue in order to assist in soothing your own mind. Take into account enrolling Gam-Anon, the 12-step group connected to Gamblers Anonymous. Gam-Anon is a support group for a gambler’s family and close friends. Its primary objective is to help you with the issues you encounter in your life as a result of your spouse’s gambling addiction. Both how simple and how intricate it is.
Perhaps you aren’t ready to attend a Gam-Anon group just yet. Or perhaps you’re concerned that your partner won’t appreciate you going. However, there are a ton of questions that can be answered online, and you can also locate phone and online support groups that can assist you in finding a sensible solution to your predicament. No, it’s not counseling; instead, it’s the support of people who share your situation. These people understand what it’s like to be surrounded by a loved one who’s consumed by addiction or gambling issues. They’ve developed coping mechanisms and remain supportive of each other in order for life may go on while encouraging their partner or other loved ones to seek treatment for their addiction.
Gam-Anon meetings are secure settings where you can discuss your current circumstance. You won’t be judged. You don’t have to be concerned about people finding out who you are because it’s anonymous. You can share a joke, weep, chat about a problem, get advice, and listen to other people’s stories. In order to understand how to deal with living with a problem gambler, you need this community of support very significantly.
Just check out the webpage for the time being by going online. Examine the queries and responses. A few of the Gam-Anon programs and publications are available for download, printing, or storage on flash drives. Look into several centers for addiction recovery from gambling. Speak to a close friend, a member of the family, your minister, or your physician. But you should surely get assistance for yourself. You can’t make your spouse do anything after you validated your doubts and are certain they have a gambling issue. However, you may assist yourself and put your spouse in a place to be encouraged to get treatment.
The bottom line is to ask for assistance. The most significant action you can do at this time might be this.
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