HY COLLINS: How can Christian marriage liberate, people and their marriages from bondage?

All creation (including marriages and weddings) are longing with deep expectation to see the manifestation of the true sons of God. (Roms 8:19)

How is it that adopting the so called “christian wedding” to lay the foundation of one’s marriage seems to do very little to liberate society and marriages from bondage of shame and darkness of poverty, insecurity and failure? What is the purpose of a christian marriage and to what extent should a marriage serve the agenda of expanding the kingdom of God in the lives of individuals (liberty, happiness and prosperity) and their nations? Why is it that only great women and men who seem to exhibit a pattern of frequent divorces, controversial marriage agreements, choices to stay single for life have ascended to learn how to handle marriage as a tool given by God for their profiting, which tool can be changed to suit either their purpose or Gods purpose, while those who are not so great easily settle for keeping appearances to the public of a happy marriage based on satisfying public opinion? If we discover the biblical purpose of marriage, would that help individuals transcend above the traditions and obligations of men concerning public expectations of marriage, in ways that empower them to serve God whole heartedly by putting their happiness and prosperity first as key to God’s will? How can more people have the courage to innovate or even terminate their marriages if they see fit as any other instrument that should help them both well enough, to serve God whole heatedly and enjoy Gods liberty to be all successful as God intended for them? Was marriage meant to subjugate its couples into a balanced equation of morality laws, or was it meant to liberate the individuals with power to achieve more corporately and individually? Do couples exist to serve the marriage deed or does the marriage exist to serve the couples beneficially, so that if it fails to serve the couple well, then it can be reviewed or discarded honorably and in love?

There is increasing evidence that divorce is saving more lives than marriage has ever saved from the risk of death, from abuse, from unfulfillment and from injustice. Infact single parenthood is increasingly popular among financially independent people, leaving marriage to those whose survival depends on the marriage bond for better or for worse. Poverty has proved to sustain more christian marriages than Prosperity, which makes things like increasing wealth, power and influence of individuals become an enemy of christian marital stability. Is this why a large segment of the church of Jesus Christ is hostile to prosperity gospel?  One spiritual leader once said that, 95% of men and women are not at the height of where God expects them to be as far as their purpose in life is concerned, because of their marriages having become a “god” they serve more than serving the will of the God of heaven. But if one had to sacrifice either life’s purpose for marriage stability or marriage for purpose in life, what would christianese advocate for? The christianity has joined other customs of the world and religions to use marriage as a police tool to enforcement morality customs (used to prevent the risk of social danger or instability), which has hindered many from taking risks to follow their dreams, calls and pursue dominion with all their hearts. This is because at the end of the day most Christians have been taught to believe that God’s ultimate interest is for one to be a good husband or  good wife, even if they never get to fulfil their callings, dreams, mission and destiny. For example the culture in christinese dictates that if you are not married, you cannot be called into spiritual leadership by God or elders. It gets worse in christianese when a servant of God is witnessed ministering alone without his wife by his side or at the front of his audience, which should be acceptable biblically and logically. Where did we learn these customs and of what value are they to spiritual and natural leadership, rulership and dominion as a blanket rule of thumb? Why is it that when a couple wants to be divorced there is no pastoral spiritual assistance to help them do this in love, faith, hope without the trappings of bitterness, hate and strife, which is prevalently observed. While the church claims the right to wedding couples, it hands over the difficult process of divorce where couples need more hand-holding to the lawyers of the secular system, as though the individuals involved are now worthless to Christ, compared to their colleagues who stick to painful, dead and oppressive marriage relationships. Divorce that saves a life should be far more righteous than a marriage that enslaves individuals under a yoke of oppression and hopelessness. Polygamy is totally ruled out by christian marriage ethics as a form of unrighteousness or sin irrespective of the origins of the individuals, agreements settled for and necessities, but having secret concubines is regarded a weakness that should be tolerated as individuals mature. The mindset of God when reprimanding king David concerning Urriah’s wife, reveals a lot about what God cares about and what he does not when he tells David that he would have given him more wives, instead of him killing his brother for the wife. But do all these christian ethics advance the kingdom of heaven and do they truely reflect God’s mindset broadly and specifically to individuals? What concerns me the most is how these well intended marriage christian ethics and policies, focus Christians on pettiness and bondage of living to please people rather than, empowering them to please God out of intimacy and achieve greatness that advances the liberty of the kingdom of heaven above other kingdoms. If little or nothing is done about revolutionalising  marriages, dishonesty and insincerity will rule over marriages using legalism.

Every religion, language and tribe seeks to influence the marital laws and customs of nations, because therein hinges the power and fate of social destiny of its people. It is all about spiritual social dominion. For example Christianity has influenced sub sahara Africa for over 150 years, so much as to convert many to Christianity and change names and laws of the land, but has failed to make what is known as a christian wedding sufficient on its own without traditional wedding of a couple. Infact if you have the traditional African wedding , it is authentic enough not to require church wedding, but you cannot get away with a church wedding alone in Africa as a christian who does not believe in the ways handed down by our tribal ancestors and their gods. The agents of the gospel of Jesus have so far failed to provide a meaningful wedding ritual which completely substitutes the traditional marriage rituals in Africa, with power to make families spiritually and culturally connected, fulfilled, happy and satisfied. Could our beliefs and practices around weddings , be a fundamental tool for either laying down  proper christian marriage foundation or a broken foundation whereby as the saying goes, “feet of burnt clay bricks are mixed with iron”? How can reviewing our wedding rituals to deliberately adopt revelations of the Christ & Church, by shifting away from the legalistic moral laws of moses , help Christians discover the glorious laws of liberty, purpose and power of a christlike marriage? Morality laws focus couples away from purpose to the pettiness of trying to please outsiders or live with a guilty consciousness, while the Christ & Church model seeks to inspire purposeful liberty that enables a marriage tool to contribute to one’s happiness, contentment, sacrifices and achievements of eternal destiny, with a blind eye to moral disagreements as mere small opinions to discuss that are not allowed to affect the grand scheme of things.

Christian weddings today are based on England’s queen Victoria’s wedding creativity in 1840 after she proposed to prince Albert, which explains why the bride walks down the aisle as the groom waits on the altar to symbolize the second coming of Jesus in glory as king. If you are a man who had initiated the proposal for marriage, even if you are a king, you are still required by church to play the biblical role of bride (church) who waits at altar for the return of the groom (Christ). The disconnect of the rituals with biblical symbolism they seek to represent, makes christian wedding feel superficial compared to traditional tribal wedding customs handed down from ancestors and their beliefs in other gods. No wonder christian weddings lack meaningfulness that couples and guests need to rely on to celebrate what they believe and value genuinely. For example according to the bible, the church (bride) is waiting for Jesus’ (groom) second coming, where she will be caught up with him in glory, when he comes. Church wedding depict that actually jesus (groom) is waiting on the altar for the church (bride) which practice does not culminate into an experience and purpose of commemorating what it might look like when Jesus returns as king in glory to pick his bride (church) from the altar. No wonder Jesus’ second coming which should burn like a fire in the hearts of believers, means very little or nothing to most christians, because it feels irrelevant for today and for guiding the purpose of marriage. Another example is the exchange of rings, whose origin is roman culture. It used to be that a man marries his wife, but the wife does not marry the groom like it is done in Indian culture. In order to clarify leadership in a marital relationship, it used to be clear that the groom marries his bride and not vice versa. Church weddings today have adopted the roman tradition inherited from Greek emancipation customs where man and wife marry each other off as equal in authority and power like a republican democracy. In the example of Christ and the church, it was believed that marriage was the will of the groom who offered promises and vows, for the bride to consider and accept  in order to seal the covenant if she so believed in his love. But the church (bride) did not have to also give a set of vows, pledges and promises for Jesus (groom) to consider and accept.  Which means the ring would be a token on a bride that she belongs to someone and is under authority of groom, while if the man got a ring it would be from his father or the king as a token of authority from Christ to rule. One friend reminded me that in Christ there is neither female nor male, but this would further complicate the mystery we seek to unveil. But how does the concept of Christ’s return for the bride and the bride out of free will offering to submit herself under authority, love and belonging to the groom, reveal or become an expression of  liberty, freedom, happiness in love and not bondage? If Christ’s return is not liberating, then secularism of emancipation will always appear to be an instrument of liberty for marriages and society. I believe the spirit of friendship is critical for couples to explore the glorious liberties that can be exploited from a godly marriage.

Maybe its not a big deal after all how couples choose to wed or what foundation their church imposes or provides for their members, as long as they get legally married. If the foundations (beliefs, crafts and spirit) of marriage be broken, what will the righteous do to fix it? (Psalm 11:3) Like building a house on a faulty foundation, however well intended, it is likely to eventually collapse damaging the eternal destiny of individuals even if they stay married till death do them part. I have not yet fully understood the mystery of Christ’ second return and why the scriptures in saying that there is a crown for those who long for or love Jesus’ second return (2 Timothy 4:8), can become an inspiring love model for expressing the security of romantic love at weddings and in marriages than the moral laws of moses or be more liberating than the secular practices of constitutions? Is there no cause or benefit for seeking to amplify, magnify, elaborately, express with our imaginations and creativity our beliefs and love for Jesus’s return? I believe more songs and better wedding customs could be created to reveal what a wonderful day it will be to be caught up with Jesus when he returns as a groom and we as his bride.

Jesus second return is often likened to a wedding feast, which is probably an opportunity for Christians to exploit in all their creativity to unveil the mystery of his return, inspire each other to long for his return and cultivate an atmosphere where we express our love for his return in glory. Any custom adopted from any culture has origins and roots in ancestral beliefs, which we evoke at weddings to invite or honor the spirits of our ancestors, with a thanksgiving offering of the lives of this newly wedded couple along with other gifts. Weddings could have helped  Christians understand who they are, and why they exist through commemorating the coming dominion of the reign of Jesus as king of kings and lord over all other cultures, kingdoms and nations. Perhaps this could explain why the quest for dominion is not popular among Christians , since most people easily settle for servitude as obedient servants of the moral laws of Moses the prophet of God. Devote Christians make the best servants for ungodly leaders pursuing dominion over any industry. If the wedding foundation of marriages is not revised to reveal the beautiful glorious liberty of the remnant way of marriages, the world of marriages based on other cultures of the world will remain in bondage to the darkness of  fear, guilt and condemnantion producing the fruit of death as the end result of marriages. There is a way that seems right to men, but the end leads to death. ( Proverbs 14:12).

If we take this lightly and seek to preserve the hypocrisy around our marriage beliefs and doctrines to protect our interests and images over revealing the will and heart of God, then I fear that Amos 5 will become true of most of our weddings and services: Amos 5:21-

“21 I hate, I despise your feast days, and I will not smell in your solemn assemblies.

22 Though ye offer me burnt offerings and your meat offerings, I will not accept them: neither will I regard the peace offerings of your fat beasts.

23 Take thou away from me the noise of thy songs; for I will not hear the melody of thy viols.

24 But let judgment run down as waters, and righteousness as a mighty stream.